Tag: ____

Jacob Squirrel

Draft v0.02

This is a statement of my understanding of our faith as Quakers and how I aspire to embody it into our practice. I invite your thoughts.

Epistemology

Our beliefs that there is that of God in everyone and revelation is ongoing are foundational to our Quaker faith and traditions. From it our testimonies on Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, and Stewardship emerge. For myself, I use the phrase: All sentient beings have a unique understanding or lens upon reality, and therefore a unique wisdom to share.

Personally, the biggest challenge for me is shepherding my own light. My own experience can seem so small; it’s anecdotal.  So, I find it seductive to puff up my light with other information. Whether it’s statistics, news or any other authority it’s tempting to jump right to those perspectives rather than my own feelings, experience or values. I am not suggesting external information is unimportant, but that first and foremost I see my feelings and experience as foundational on top of which exterior sources rest. I find without an emotional/values basis I tend to spin political effluvia in my brain.

Likewise, when I hear others speak beyond their light it can be hard to hear my own. It has been a difficult practice to stop pause and ask myself if there “is room for my light here?” when others talk of “shoulds”.

A pessimistic perspective on this is to say I have a particular distortion of reality: none of us has a fully accurate picture. Having experienced childhood paranoia, I know how real those fears felt at the time, and how important a trusted community is for my mental health.

Here are three ways in which I know my understanding of the world is fallible.

Memory

Psychologist have long been aware of how fallible our memory can be. I have to write lots of notes, and frequently caveat my memory. I find in decision making in groups it’s served me well not to hold onto my memory too tightly. Generally, when I am working in groups we are focused on the future, which is always unfolding and challenging our standard protocols.

Emotions

A second secular example is that of emotional activation and our ability to be present. Being present for me means being curious, compassionate, and reflective of both our internal and external world: being aware of my feelings but not driven by them. That’s an ideal state, and I’m far from being fully present most of the time. (I am beginning to suspect that being fully present eats up a lot of energy.) Presence seems to exists on a spectrum. Emotional activation is one common distraction, but it can just be being tired. A large part of my own personal development has been becoming aware of my own emotional state, how it impacts my presence, and having self-compassion for it. Normalizing such states reduces the stigma I feel of being “unreasonable” and is key for me in developing and keeping healthy boundaries. As I have reflected on these states, I have found ways of asking for what I need during them and can then be a better advocate for myself.

Socialized Values and Bias

Recently someone asked me, “what ethnic traditions I was raised with and how do I relate to them?’ I replied: white, middle-class, and capitalist. I have been trying to unlearn them for most of my adult life. I have adopted my society’s values as my own, mostly unconsciously: it’s just the way things are. As I have grow older and experienced other cultures and sub-cultures, I have come to question those values and how they impact me and my community. Unlearning my socialized values is one dimension of personal or spiritual growth; expanding the breadth of my wisdom.

I have then a conundrum:

Individually I have access to wisdom/truth/the light as well as my distorting lenses, emotions, bias and a fallible memory.

How then do I find meaning and discern right action as part of a community?

Quaker Practice

Our faith’s answer to this question is through a disciplined group process which assures equal consideration to all member’s perspectives. Consideration takes time and the skill of acknowledging and resisting our reactions. Firstday worship is a low stakes place to practice being open, and “listening for the truth behind the words”.

In Meeting for Worship with attention to Business (MfWB) and committee work, we hold ourselves to a higher order of listening. One of the responsibilities of clerks is to mind consideration, to moderate the pace of discussion and minimize reaction. This is the reason we ask the clerk for permission to speak. Take a breath. Our work happens in the pauses: after a Friend speaks, I pause and consider, before I speak I pause and consider my own impulses to speak. When I speak in meeting, I am asking all present to stop, pause, resist their own reactions and consider my words deeply. I genuinely feel robbed when a Friend interrupts or speaks directly after another- robbed of the opportunity to really let a Friend’s words settle into my heart.

I would like to pause here and speak to the social health implications of consideration. To do so I need to examine what dismissal is and does to us. Dismissal is when we hear a concern and react with an “No”. Think of all the comedic tropes of rolling eyes, “talk to the hand”, or “whatever boomer” – I can recall so many celebrations of dismissal in film and media as a defiant act if individualism. I am most aware of dismissal when it is cruel or overt, but it can also have a veneer of compassion, “don’t worry so much” or spirituality, “God works in mysterious ways”. Dismissal is damaging to equitable relationships, and I am still catching myself using it- often very subtly. When I do, I stop, identify it and apologize.

Contrast dismissal with compassionate boundaries. When declaring a compassionate boundary, I recognize the others’ concern, my own limits, needs and that at this time, in this way I cannot help. A compassionate boundary affirms a person’s importance and their concerns and balances it with my own needs. It takes time to often reflect on my own needs and to express them compassionately. Indeed, my reactive “no” may be aligned with my needs just on an unconscious level. If I am unaware of those needs -my light- I will probably jump to a rationalization beyond my light. Sadly, dismissal rejects the light of all in a way.

Understanding dismissal, it’s hard for me not to overemphasize how important consideration is, it’s healing both individually and socially, and why I believe it leads to a sense of a gathered meeting. The “no” of our reactive dismissal not only harms a group’s sense of trust and belonging but is often only an expression of our individual limits, needs and resources.

“Gathered Meeting”

I have been reflecting on what a “Gathered Meeting” means: how to qualify the sense of it? I have noted in group practices that an authentic and vulnerable message will often trigger others to share authentically as well. I have noted this in my own personal relationships. It’s as if when someone shares with me genuine self-awareness, my system relaxes into a new level of self-reflection. Many years ago, at the very beginning of a finance committee meeting, each of us stated that we had individually failed in coming up with any plans to address a specific challenge. I suspect that with such vulnerability we were able to settle into a relaxed silence, and a solution was found that none of us individually could. We all expressed the sensation of there being a fourth entity holding us and guiding us.

I have noted some communication patterns that seem to stifle authenticity: generalizations, speaking in absolutes (all, none, never, etc.), extend our judgements beyond our own light or leading, deny or try to change others experience. With these we signal to others that we know what’s best for them. It’s as if we don’t trust that our own light can inspire others; it must be puffed up with borrowed authority. I’ve come up with a red flag list of words to pay close attention to: all, any, never, always, should, must and groups (such as “the meeting”, republicans, ethnicities, etc. when not caveated by “in my experience/understanding of___”).

Spirit Led Discernment

As a seeker I ask myself what might “spirit lead discernment” feel like for me?

1. Calm: I can feel my emotions, bodily sensations and
2. Curious about my inner light and that of Friends
3. Compassion for myself and Friends
4. Courage to wade into uncertainty
5. Creative and collaborative
6. Connected to all present and beyond

How often have I felt these?…

Release, Expand, Submit

Relate to above…

These three elements, common to spirit lead discernment, are mentioned in Pendle Hill Pamphlet #____. According to the author’s experience the occurrence of at least two of these elements is common in spirit lead discernment. For me the element of release is very much about our light: the vulnerability of speaking from emotions, values and experience. When my light is considered or reflected, I feel heard.

Expand is when I consider a concern in a larger context: society, time, ecology, the history of Quakers, etc. But I could also see for some it may be handing our concerns to the divine and asking, “what we are to do?”

And lastly for me submit is to be frank with myself, be open to what is wanting to happen, and having faith that for right now this is good enough.

My Intentions as Clerk

As clerk of Finance Committee I intend to practice the following with gradual rollout:

1. At the beginning of each meeting offer a brief educational piece on our practices and how that is an expression of our faith.
2. Mind the flow of speech and time for consideration. This includes when Friends are giving a report, asking a presenter to also have the discipline to mind speech and consideration is too much. This I am certain will feel awkward at first.
3. When speech is emotional, pressured, or confusing, asking a different Friend to repeat what they have heard, and seeking confirmation of accuracy.
4. When our protocols are skipped during MfWB, to pause the meeting and remind Friends why we have them and how they are an expression of our faith. Some traditional protocols may need to be reexamined at a later date.
5. Recording accountabilities and developing a check system (When can we expect a report and what support will you need?)
6. Pay close mind to absolutes and judgements and offer re-framing and confirmation.
7. Adding the following agenda items:
   1. Once or twice during Meeting to pause and ask Friends about their inner state.
   1. Process feedback: What fed your spirit? What was challenging?
   1. Harvest/transition (after or before joys and concerns): What are you taking with you into your day from this meeting?

Requests I would like to make of committees (over time):

1. Start reports with a summary limited to a maximum of 3 points. We will refer to the narrative if Meeting wishes further information.
2. Identify why points are coming to MfWB:
   1. Report only
   1. Request for input: feedback/forward
   1. Request for a Minuted decision and providing a draft of alternate minutes that Meeting can wordsmith from.
3. Convening a clerk’s retreat twice a year to support the spiritual life of committees. This I would like to host during soup and story as a fishbowl and/or invite other meetings to participate.